Ooooh Nooo! Macho Man Randy Savage Dead at 58

 With the exception of those who fell into deep  Slim Jim addictions because of his compelling sales pitch, all wrestling fans mourn the tragic loss of legendary professional wrestler Macho Man Randy Savage. Savage (Randall Mario Poffo) died on Friday, May 20, 2011 from injuries incurred in a car accident caused by his heart attack. Alcohol was not a factor in the accident.

One of the most compelling personalities in wrestling history, Savage will be remembered by fans and peers as one of the greatest stars in the sport’s history. During his career, Savage was a ten-time world champion, including a two-time WWF World Champion, four-time WCW World Champion, one-time USWA Unified World Heavyweight Champion, and three-time ICW World Heavyweight Champion.

Matt Hasselbeck Still Has It

In a showdown between a balding Super Bowl MVP and a completely bald Super Bowl loser, the balder of the two came up big. In the biggest upset in NFL playoff history, Seahawks’ quarterback Matt Hasselbeck three for 272 yards and four touchdowns. His counterpart, the rapidly thinning Drew Brees threw for 402 yards, but couldn’t score when it mattered most.

Hasselbeck had been maligned for much of the season, nearly losing his job to the well-quaffed Charlie Whitehurst. But despite his ailing back/hip/butt, he got the start, put the team on his back, and carried them to the next round of the playoffs. It’s nice to see the really bald guy come out on top for a change. Drew Brees, you’ll be there soon enough.

Breakthrough Discovery Made in Male Baldness

A cure to male baldness may finally be on the horizon. You can finally take off that ball cap and put down the razor. While studying the cells of men undergoing hair transplants, Dr. George Costarelis discovered the scalp that’s bald has the same number of stem cells as the scalp that’s not bald. Costarelis says he’s hopeful researchers can discover a way to turn the inactive cells back on, and thus grow new hair (article).

So hold off on those hair plugs, toss out the Rogaine, and just kick back and wait. This planet is about to get a whole lot harrier.

This Year in Bald Fantasy Football

It wasn’t a great fantasy football season for those who played teams filled with bald players. While bald kickers dominated, with three of the top five sporting extreme baldness, the rest of the positions did poorly.

Aside from Matt Schaub, no bald player cracked the top 10 for their position at WR, RB, TE. Injuries to Matt Hasselbeck and Vince Young didn’t help things, but primarily it was the fact that bald players tend to be older, and their skills are in decline. Still, if bald pride forced you to play an all-bald roster, you may not have won your league, but at least you kept it real.

For 2011… Who knows where Vince Young, Donovan McNabb will end up, but if any of them land on solid rosters in need of a quarterback (Vikings, Raiders, San Francisco, etc.) they might put up some respectable numbers. And with Wes Welker still recovering from knee surgery, he might be back to his old form next year, and considerably balder. So 2010 may not have been the best year for bald fantasy football, but next year promises to be better, especially if Drew Brees continues to thin on top.

2010, a recap:

Quarterback

• (9th) Matt Schaub – Texans – 300 pts.
• (21st)  Donovan McNabb – Redskins – 165 pts.
• (26th) Matt Hasselbeck – Seahawks – 138 pts.
• (33rd) Vince Young – Titans – 81 pts.

Running Back

• (26^th) Michael Bush – Raiders – 124 pts.
• (27th) Felix Jones – Cowboys – 123 pts.
• (38th) Ricky Williams – Dolphins – 85 pts.

Wide Receiver

• (18^th) Marques Colston – Saints – 138 pts.
• (23rd) Wes Welker – Patriots – 121 pts.
• (24th) Derrick Mason – Ravens – 117 pts.
• (37th) Chad Ochocinco – Bengals – 100 pts.
• (42nd) Hines Ward – Steelers – 87 pts.

Tight End

• (31^st) Daniel Fells – Rams – 43 pts.
• (34th) Jermichael Finley – Packers – 37 pts.

Kicker

• (1st) Sebastian Janikowski – Raiders – 150 pts.
• (4th) Matt Bryant – Falcons – 135 pts.
• (5th) Josh Brown – Rams – 132 pts.

Bald + History = Adoration on Facebook

Few boys dream of growing up to be a history professor, much less a bald one. However, that doesn’t mean you won’t develop a loyal following of people who think you’re handsome and interesting. Professor Norm Fennema is just such a person. He even has a facebook fan club to show for it. So congrats to you Professor Fennema. You’re what history-minded bald men aspire to be.

Suge Knight Arrested… again

The very bald Suge Knight may simply have missed the feel of handcuffs on his wrist because he was arrested yet again, this time on a warrant for not appearing in court for two traffic tickets. TMZ reported in a recent article:

According to documents obtained by TMZ, a $40,000 bench warrant was issued for Suge’s arrest on November 23 after he failed to show up to court in L.A. to deal with two traffic tickets. The docs show Suge was popped for driving with a suspended license and running a stop sign on September 23. As we first reported, cops searched Suge’s car during that traffic stop … but they didn’t find squat.

Matt LeBlanc Becoming Matt LeBald

According to an article in Mirror, actor Matt LeBlanc is so insecure about his thinning hair that he insists any evidence of his growing bald spot be removed from TV appearances.

Even though said bald spot is extremely small, top special effects technicians at a postproduction company in London’s Soho were hired – at some expense – to ensure the LeBlanc head was restored to its, ahem, crowning glory, in all his scenes in comedy series Episodes which will be screened on BBC2 on January 10.

John Abraham’s New Bald ‘Do

There simply aren’t many hair options for bald men, but Atlanta Falcons defensive end John Abraham added a new one, and included a tribute to his mother. Could this create a new fad amongst bald people? Turn what’s left into a billboard and use your remaining mane to send messages. This could be a lucrative source of advertising revenue for bald athletes.

Hall of Fame Broadcaster Dave Niehaus Dies

The voice of the Seattle Mariners, Hall of Fame broadcaster Dave Niehaus died today at the age of 75 (article). The legendary man was the Mariners’ broadcaster since their first season. He is best known for his catch phrases “Fly, fly away,” and “My oh My!”

For many Mariners fan, no matter how bad the game was (and there were a lot), Niehaus always made the game enjoyable for his great calls, great stories, and fascinating insights. Players and managers came and went, but through good seasons and bad, Niehaus was the one constant bright spot for Mariners’ fan. Players and fans loved him. He was an amazing sportscaster, an incredible man, and he will be greatly missed.

Get out the rye bread and mustard, Grandma, it is grand salami time!

Kevin Garnett Disses Bald Charlie Villanueva

During some on-court trash talking, Celtics center Kevin Garnett allegedly called the bald Charlie Villanueva a “cancer patient” (article). Villanueva, who has alopecia universalis, a medical condition that results in hair loss, sent out a tweet last night reading, “KG called me a cancer patient, I’m pissed because, u know how many people died from cancer, and he’s tossing it like it’s a joke.”

Garnett is well known for his trash talking, but Villanueva thought this comment crossed the line, and made it public. Garnett denied the comment, and claimed he said, “You are cancerous to your team and our league.“