Monthly Archives: December 2008

January 1 – The Great Toupee Caper

January 1, 2004

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A liquored up Pennsylvania man started off the New Year with a bizarre crime. Paul Goudy, urged on by a $100 bet, tore off a fellow bar patron’s toupee and raced out of the bar. It isn’t known whether he intended to wear the toupee himself or free it in the wild.

Unfortunately for Goudy, no crime goes unpunished. He was arrested, pleaded guilty to theft, was sentenced to 23 months probation and fined $975. He collected only $25 of the bet, making it a net loss of $950.

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December 31 – Ron Popeil / Spray on Hair

December 31, 1992

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American inventor and infomercial pioneer, Ron Popeil, made a giant leap forward when he applied for a patent for his “spray on hair.” Not long after, Popeil was spraying down his scalp before the audible amazement of a live studio audience with his Great Looking Hair Formula 9 System.

But wait, there’s more…

From the man who brought us the Inside-The-Shell Egg Scrambler, the Pocket Fisherman, and the Electric Food Dehydrator, Popeil struck gold again with his revolutionary “hair-in-a-can.”

Ronco Corporation, doesn’t release sales figures, but there’s a good chance if you started balding in the 90’s somebody bought you this degrading product. And if they did, you have permission to dig through boxes in the attic until you find it, and then spray it in their face.

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December 30 – Ray Nitschke

Ray Nitschke: Born, December 30, 1936

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Ray Nitschke, a middle linebacker for the Green Bay Packers, was born on this day in Elmwood Park, Illinois in 1936. One of the greatest linebackers of his era, Nitschke was famed for his ferocious hits and excellent pass coverage. Built like a brick house, with wisps of blond hair protruding beneath a bald dome, it was Nitschke’s appearance that became the gold standard for middle linebackers. Pittsburg Steeler great, Jack Lambert, was cut from the same mold as Nitschke, but expanded on it by playing without any front teeth.

At 6’2”, 235lbs, Ray Nitschke stuffed the middle for the Packers for 14 years (1958-1972). Only Brett Favre and Bart Star played more games in a Packers’ uniform.

A member of the NFL Hall of Fame, his number 66 was retired in 1983. Ray Nitschke died of a heart attack in 1998 at the age of 61.

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December 29 – Ted Danson

Ted Danson: Born December 29th, 1947ted_danson
Actor Ted Danson, best known for his role as bartender Sam Malone on the TV program Cheers, keeps his massive bald spot hidden beneath a hairpiece. Danson could blame his baldness on genetics (Wikipedia claims he’s the third cousin of the bald Bill Murray), but some suspect it could be linked to his years on Cheers.

One theory is that when co-star Nicholas Colasanto, who played Coach, died early on in the series, it somehow brought a bald plague upon the male cast. As the years passed, baldness spread over the actors like locusts, with Kelsey Grammer (Dr. Fraiser Crane),Woody Harrelson (Woody) and John Ratzenberger (Cliff Clavin) all joined Danson in losing their hair. Only George Wendt (Norm) kept his locks.

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Coming soon!

Finally (on January 1st), all may learn the glorious history of those bald individuals who shaped our world. Such wonders! Such joys! Such a legacy of accomplishment laid out by our bald brothers and sisters!

So rejoice for the hour of the bald is at hand. Stay tuned…

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