Monthly Archives: January 2011

Matt Hasselbeck Still Has It

In a showdown between a balding Super Bowl MVP and a completely bald Super Bowl loser, the balder of the two came up big. In the biggest upset in NFL playoff history, Seahawks’ quarterback Matt Hasselbeck three for 272 yards and four touchdowns. His counterpart, the rapidly thinning Drew Brees threw for 402 yards, but couldn’t score when it mattered most.

Hasselbeck had been maligned for much of the season, nearly losing his job to the well-quaffed Charlie Whitehurst. But despite his ailing back/hip/butt, he got the start, put the team on his back, and carried them to the next round of the playoffs. It’s nice to see the really bald guy come out on top for a change. Drew Brees, you’ll be there soon enough.

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Breakthrough Discovery Made in Male Baldness

A cure to male baldness may finally be on the horizon. You can finally take off that ball cap and put down the razor. While studying the cells of men undergoing hair transplants, Dr. George Costarelis discovered the scalp that’s bald has the same number of stem cells as the scalp that’s not bald. Costarelis says he’s hopeful researchers can discover a way to turn the inactive cells back on, and thus grow new hair (article).

So hold off on those hair plugs, toss out the Rogaine, and just kick back and wait. This planet is about to get a whole lot harrier.

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This Year in Bald Fantasy Football

It wasn’t a great fantasy football season for those who played teams filled with bald players. While bald kickers dominated, with three of the top five sporting extreme baldness, the rest of the positions did poorly.

Aside from Matt Schaub, no bald player cracked the top 10 for their position at WR, RB, TE. Injuries to Matt Hasselbeck and Vince Young didn’t help things, but primarily it was the fact that bald players tend to be older, and their skills are in decline. Still, if bald pride forced you to play an all-bald roster, you may not have won your league, but at least you kept it real.

For 2011… Who knows where Vince Young, Donovan McNabb will end up, but if any of them land on solid rosters in need of a quarterback (Vikings, Raiders, San Francisco, etc.) they might put up some respectable numbers. And with Wes Welker still recovering from knee surgery, he might be back to his old form next year, and considerably balder. So 2010 may not have been the best year for bald fantasy football, but next year promises to be better, especially if Drew Brees continues to thin on top.

2010, a recap:

Quarterback

  • (9th) Matt Schaub – Texans – 300 pts.
  • (21st)  Donovan McNabb – Redskins – 165 pts.
  • (26th) Matt Hasselbeck – Seahawks – 138 pts.
  • (33rd) Vince Young – Titans – 81 pts.

Running Back

  • (26th) Michael Bush – Raiders – 124 pts.
  • (27th) Felix Jones – Cowboys – 123 pts.
  • (38th) Ricky Williams – Dolphins – 85 pts.

Wide Receiver

  • (18th) Marques Colston – Saints – 138 pts.
  • (23rd) Wes Welker – Patriots – 121 pts.
  • (24th) Derrick Mason – Ravens – 117 pts.
  • (37th) Chad Ochocinco – Bengals – 100 pts.
  • (42nd) Hines Ward – Steelers – 87 pts.

Tight End

  • (31st) Daniel Fells – Rams – 43 pts.
  • (34th) Jermichael Finley – Packers – 37 pts.

Kicker

  • (1st) Sebastian Janikowski – Raiders – 150 pts.
  • (4th) Matt Bryant – Falcons – 135 pts.
  • (5th) Josh Brown – Rams – 132 pts.

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Bald + History = Adoration on Facebook

Few boys dream of growing up to be a history professor, much less a bald one. However, that doesn’t mean you won’t develop a loyal following of people who think you’re handsome and interesting. Professor Norm Fennema is just such a person. He even has a facebook fan club to show for it. So congrats to you Professor Fennema. You’re what history-minded bald men aspire to be.

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