Monthly Archives: October 2010

Willow Smith’s New Song is Anti-Bald

Willow Smith, daughter of Will and Jada Pinckett-Smith, has released a new song titled “Whip My Hair.” Her new video gone viral and earned her legions of fans. But that fame has come at the expense of bald people everywhere who, through no fault of their own, simply can’t whip their hair. Thanks for rubbing it in Willow.

For the folically challenged, this new song is a grave reminder of the hair they lack. And while the hair Willow is flipping is most certainly not all her own, it’s still catching on at clubs around the country. When it comes on, the bald must retreat the corners of the club and endure the laughter and ridicule of other club-goers. Not since pancake-assed women were faced with Sir-Mix-Alot’s “Baby’s Got Back” has such a large segment of the population been relegated to the dancing sidelines.

When I’m down and i feel like giving up
I whip my hair back and forth
I whip my hair back and forth (just whip it)

So should those with out hair simply give up, Willow? Why do you have to shave the sides and leave it long on top, making it the most impossible hair style to emulate? What’s next? Is Beyonce going to release a remix with lyrics like, “If you’re bald then you better put a wig on it?” What a cruel message to send, especially with such a damn catchy beat. We want to flip our hair too, Willow! But we can’t.

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GQ Announces its 2010 Bald 100

GQ Magazine has announced its 2010 Bald 100, their ranking of the one hundred most powerful, influential and just plain bad-ass looking bald men in the USA. GQ says, “These are the men who put the balls in bald, and we salute you.

There are a few interesting choices – namely Phil Spector, the convicted murderer, and Verne Troyer, who hasn’t done much besides urinate on carpets on reality TV. The rest of the list is a cross section of athletes, TV personalities, politicians, and a number of economic advisers.

Some unexpected entries that were nice to see include author David Shields, actor Jeffrey Tambor, and Head Blade inventor Todd Greene.

And here they are, hopefully in no particular order…

Charles Barkley, Sean Connery, Jim Cramer (CNBC’s Mad Money, Michael Jordan, Vin Diesel, Ron Howard, Samuel Jackson, political strategist, James Carville, Chef Tom Collicchio, actor Larry David, Seth Godin, Dr. Phil McGraw, George Foreman, Mort Zuckerman, Rupert Murdoch, Patrick Stewart, Michael Stipe, Magic Johnson, Kevin Garnett, Terry Bradshaw, Hulk Hogan, Jesse Ventura, John Makovich, Tony Kornheiser and Mike Wilbon, Astronaut Story Musgrave, Mike Tyson, Phil Spector, Pete Townshend, Willard Scott, David Simon (creator of The Wire), Homer Simpson, Kelly Slater, Jason Alexander, Jeff Bezos, David Gefen, Barry Diller (porn tycoon), Steve Ballmer, James Jannard, Chris Daughtry, Howie Mandel, Jeffrey Katzenberg, Craig Venter (mapped the human genome), Dick Cheney, Lloyd Blankfein, Stephen Breyer, Andre Agassi, Stanley Tucci, Matthew Weiner, The Dalai Lama, Craig Newmark (Craigslist), Ben Bernanke, Bruce Wilis, John McCain, Danny DeVito, Sam Zell, Richard Jenkins, Seal, James Taylor, Ving Rhames, Todd Greene (Head Blade inventor, David Cross, Jason Statham, Zach Lund, Paul Shaffer, Michael Clarke Duncan, Verne Troyer, Billy Corgan, Garth Brooks, Michael Milken, Stone Cold Steve Austin, Jeff Zucker, Billy Zane, Ben Kingsley, Wallace Shawn, writer David Shields, Shaquille O’Neal, Hank Paulson, Paul Volcker, Tony Dungy, Kevin Youkillis, Romany Malco, Ari Fleisher, Michael Chiklis, Jeff Van Gundy, Matt Hasselbeck, Michael Pollan, Moby, Brad Childress, Mark Messier, DMX, Cal Ripken, Stephen Covey, G. Gordon Liddy, Vernon Jordan, Damon Wayans, Ed Harris, Jeffrey Tambor, J.K. Simmons, Robert Duvall, and Evan Handler.

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Filed under Bad Ass Bald Dudes, Bald, GQ Magazine

The Return of Frank Sinatra’s Toupee

Frank Sinatra’s toupee, which served him well for years, has found a new home. It was sold at auction, purchased by a member of TMZ’s newsroom (article). And it may be more than a memento, the gossip monger could be using it to cover his own baldness.

To see the description of Sinatra’s toupee, check out the auction site here.

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Soul Music Legend Soloman Burke Dead at 70

Solomon Burke, one of the greatest soul singers of the 1960s, died early Sunday of natural causes at Amsterdam’s Schiphol Airport. He was 70 years old.

Burke was a soul music pioneer that influenced much the soul music of the 1960s. While he never achieved the popularity of James Brown or Marvin Gaye, he was an extremely talented singer in his own right. He often appeared on stage seated on a throne, partly for dramatic effect, and partly because of his immense girth. If you look closely, you’ll see he somewhat resembles actor Marlon Brando, particularly in size.

The Grammy winner was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in 2001. And next, the deeply religious Burke will be inducted into the Pearly Gates.

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Happy Time Harry

The world of television just doesn’t have enough bald characters you can root for. Superman has hair, but the evil Lex Luthor does not. Batman has hair. Spiderman has hair. What do you do if you want an action hero, but there aren’t any bald ones?

That’s why Happy Time Harry is so necessary. He’s appeared on a few episodes of Aqua Teen Hunger Force and his voice is done by comedian David Cross. Harry has a pitiful little combover and only wears boxer shorts. He’s had a kidney removed, but it doesn’t limit his drinking. In place of one hand, he has a knife, which he uses to threaten others and cut himself. A grumpy jerk, he spends most of his time napping and making everyone miserable.

He may not sound like much, but this is what the world of television has given bald people. You can join the of Happy Time Harry Fan Club on Facebook.

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