Monthly Archives: June 2010

Charles Barkley Rips Michael Jordan’s Mustache

Two bald jocks feuding over hair? It’s true.

Jordan's mustache a la Hitler

TNT Analyst Charles Barkley ripped Michael Jordan for his ridiculous mustache during an interview on sports talk radio (article). The former NBA star can be seen sporting a Hitler-like mustache during a recent Haynes commercial. Barkley questioned Jordan’s choice in facial hair, saying:

“I have got to admit when I saw that commercial I had to take a double take… That is one of the stupidest things that I have seen in a long time. First of all, I can’t believe that they let that commercial get on the air like that… Now they let my man get on TV with that terrible mustache. I was totally in shock and just, I just can’t believe that. That is really not good at all.”

The Hitler-stache has been a no-go ever since WWII. But even if it didn’t stir up memories of the worst dictator of modern history, it is still a hideous and ludicrous style of mustache.

What inspired the greatest basketball player of all-time? Did he grow it to pay off a gambling debt? Has he been spending too much time with ironic hipsters? Or is Jordan’s ego so big he thinks he can create a style trend no matter how absurd? What is he thinking?

Some have speculated Jordan is merely paying homage to Charlie Chaplin. Others suspect it’s an upside down soul-patch, just a little whoopsy while shaving.

Barkley’s comment was probably intended as some good-natured ribbing between gambling buddies, but “mustache-gate” is only heating up. Ashton Kutcher questioned the mustache while appearing on the Jimmy Kimmel show, but balding comedian Jay Mohr went even further in a recent Tweet:

“I think everyone should boycott Haynes until Michael Jordan shaves off his Hitler mustache. #boycotthaynes.”


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Filed under Celebrity News, Michael Jordan, mustache, NBA

Tired of Hair Loss? Grow a Beard

If the Bible, and the story of Samson, are correct, a man’s power comes from his hair. That’s bad news for bald men, but the top of the head isn’t the only place to grow powerful hair. Consider the beard…

The good people at The Beardly are outspoken beard-advocates. Their numerous posters and products are compelling in their encouragement for beard growth. Showcasing spectacular beards in their natural environments, the site promises, “observations about beards and the men who tend them.” And there’s an impressive collection of facial-hair cultivators.

But be warned: This site will make you want to grow a beard. The ladies may scoff at first, but eventually, they will thank you.

And if you’re a woman with dreams of being a bearded lady, check out the website, I Made You a Beard. This crafty gal not only provides artistic ways for women to don facial hair, she’s also a beard aficionado.

You can purchase her beards here.

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Filed under Beard, Bearded Lady, Cool Website, Coping with baldness

Tom Cruise Only Likeable When He’s Bald

A bald Tom Cruise dances with J-Lo

Actor Tom Cruise, universally despised for his egomania and Scientology-induced lunacy, has discovered the public only likes him when he’s fat and bald.

Appearing on stage at the 2010 MTV Movie Awards Sunday, Cruise brought back character that helped partially redeem him in the public eye. Appearing as Les Grossman, the fat, bald movie executive from Tropical Thunder, Cruise danced on stage with Jennifer Lopez to Ludacris’ “Get Back.” Cruise showcased some impressive moves, including some high kicks and a little bump-and-grind. At one point in the choreographed routine, Lopez even spanked Cruise while Katie Holmes applauded in the audience.

It was only one enjoyable moment in an irrelevant award show, but it begs the question: “Will J-Lo make dancing with fat, bald men a cornerstone of her comeback tour?”

Millions of fat, bald Americans hope so.


Filed under Celebrity News, Comedy, Dance, Music News

Umpire Jim Joyce Blows Call

Bad Call - Great Goatee

Everyone has a bad day at work. Whether it’s missing a deadline, or forgetting to super-size some fat kid’s Happy Meal, we can all relate to the day umpire Jim Joyce had Wednesday.

With two outs in the 9th inning, Detroit Tigers’ pitcher Armando Galarraga was one out away from a perfect game. Cleveland Indians’ batter Jason Donald hit a routine ground ball and was thrown out at first. Only problem was Joyce called him safe. The replay showed he was out. The Tigers still won, but Galarraga lost his perfect game.

Afterwards, Joyce went to the Tigers’ locker room and tearfully apologized to Galarraga:

“It was the biggest call of my career, and I kicked the shit out of it,” Joyce said, looking and sounding distraught as he paced in the umpires’ locker room. “I just cost that kid a perfect game.”

Since the call, his family has taken heat for his mistake. A website calling for his firing has popped up and the blogosphere is abuzz with wrath for the 21-year veteran umpire.

While the immediate results are disastrous for both Joyce and Galarraga, the event could be a catalyst for bringing instant replay to Major League Baseball, something that has been needed for years. Only MLB Commissioner Bud Selig can fix this. He can award Galarraga a perfect game and finally bring baseball into the 21st century. It would certainly take the heat of Jim Joyce and ensure nothing like this can happen again.

Hang in there Jim. Your a human being doing a thankless job. Bald baseball fans everywhere support you. We’ve all had a bad day at the office.

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Filed under Detroit Tigers, MLB

Call Him “Sir” Patrick Stewart

Sir Patrick Stewart

On June 2, 2010, Patrick Stewart was knighted by Queen Elizabeth II, giving him the title of Sir Patrick Stewart. In knighthood, Stewart joins fellow bald actors Sir Anthony Hopkins, Sir Michael Caine, and Sir Antony Sher.

Best known for his role as Captain Picard of Star Trek Next Generation, Stewart is also an accomplished stage actor and bald icon. He dedicated the award to an English teacher, Cecil Dormand (partially bald), who encouraged him to take up acting.


Filed under Actor, Bald Icon, Star Trek, This Day In History

Bald Headed Blues

The blues band- Saffire -is getting some buzz for their song “Bald Headed Blues.” A tribute the people who have lost their hair from chemotherapy, the trio hasn’t avoided humor in their song, including lyrics like:

Now my head is round and shiny / And my ears look really big/ No need to hide it with a wig…

I really had a close shave / My new hair is a winner / I paid thousands for it downtown / At the chemo center…

I gotta shake my booty to the bald headed blues.

The band recently broke up, but their video survives on their website and all over the web.

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Filed under Cancer, music

Al Gore & Tipper Gore to Separate

In an email to friends and associates, Al and Tipper Gore announced they will separate. Infidelity was not the cause, only two people who had grown apart and who were leading separate lives.

No one is certain what Al Gore has done to cover is baldness, but it’s likely a combination of combover + hair plugs. During the 2000 presidential campaign, Gore is alleged to have resorted to Toppik, a sprinkle-on protein fiber that bonds with your natural hair to make it appear fuller.

While many have believed his hair loss, much like the loss of the rain forest, was the result of global warming, there is no scientific evidence to back it up.

Gore has a reputation for being a stiff, but people who know him well speak of his humor and a penchant for pulling pranks. In a 1999 article, he retold a prank he pulled on Tipper involving his hair:

Asked by a reporter to recount one of his own favorite comedic moments, he pointed to one particular morning when he was in the shower. It was around the time he was starting to lose his hair, and he called out to Tipper to tell her he really liked her new shampoo. He said it was great stuff, felt “really tingly.” Horror washed over her face as he poked his lathered head out from behind the curtain and she saw what he was holding: a bottle of Nair hair-removing lotion.

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Filed under baldness, Combover, Politicians, Politics