Monthly Archives: September 2009

Hank & Skank Off to Indy

Rapidly balding Hank Baskett has signed with the Indianapolis Colts after being dumped by the Philadelphia Eagles (related article).

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The 3rd rate wide receiver is better known for his wife, Playboy centerfold and reality “star,” Kendra Wilkinson. A big distraction for any NFL team, it says something that the Eagles cut Hank to make room for convicted dog fighter Michael Vick.

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Filed under Hollywood, Sports

Matt Hasselbeck Defeats Tom Brady

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According to a recent Wall Street Journal article, Professional football player  Matt Hasselbeck, is the 4th most attractive quarterback in the National Football League. The bald Seattle Seahawk beat out Tom Brady, Mark Sanchez and Tony Romo. Because he’s way hotter.

What is it that gives Matt “heartthrob” Hasselbeck the advantage? Facial symatry, apparently. That may not be the chief criteria of pop singers and Brazilian super models, but it’s of primary concern for researchers at Ursinus College. It may sound far fetched, but on behalf of bald men everywhere, I say “We’ll take it.”

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Return of the Traficant Toupee

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Disgraced congressman Jim Traficant walked out of federal prison today after serving a seven year term for bribery, fraud and racketeering (related story).

Media outlets failed to describe whether he wore the same ridiculous (but trademark) toupee that he wore when sentenced. They did mention he donned a gray T-shirt, white shorts and white socks, a far cry from the  bell bottoms and denim suits he wore while in congress.

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While a polarizing political figure, he broke up the monotany of CSPAN with his eccentric dress, wild toupee, and his catchphrase ending to floor speeches: “Beam me up.”

Despite his criminal record, Traficant remains popular in his Youngstown, Ohio district. He even received 15% of the vote in one election while he was incarcerated.

So have we seen the last of Jim Traficant’s political life, or, as many suspect, will he return to electoral politics? Only time will tell.

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Filed under crime, Politics