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Bald + History = Adoration on Facebook

Few boys dream of growing up to be a history professor, much less a bald one. However, that doesn’t mean you won’t develop a loyal following of people who think you’re handsome and interesting. Professor Norm Fennema is just such a person. He even has a facebook fan club to show for it. So congrats to you Professor Fennema. You’re what history-minded bald men aspire to be.

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Suge Knight Arrested… again

The very bald Suge Knight may simply have missed the feel of handcuffs on his wrist because he was arrested yet again, this time on a warrant for not appearing in court for two traffic tickets. TMZ reported in a recent article:

According to documents obtained by TMZ, a $40,000 bench warrant was issued for Suge’s arrest on November 23 after he failed to show up to court in L.A. to deal with two traffic tickets. The docs show Suge was popped for driving with a suspended license and running a stop sign on September 23. As we first reported, cops searched Suge’s car during that traffic stop … but they didn’t find squat.

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Matt LeBlanc Becoming Matt LeBald

According to an article in Mirror, actor Matt LeBlanc is so insecure about his thinning hair that he insists any evidence of his growing bald spot be removed from TV appearances.

Even though said bald spot is extremely small, top special effects technicians at a postproduction company in London’s Soho were hired – at some expense – to ensure the LeBlanc head was restored to its, ahem, crowning glory, in all his scenes in comedy series Episodes which will be screened on BBC2 on January 10.

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30th Anniversary of Mt. St. Helens Losing It’s Top

May 18, 2010 marks the 30th anniversary of the eruption of Mt. St. Helens. Pundits and historians have spent the day discussing the environmental destruction and terrible loss of life. And sure, those are all relevant. But what about the volcano? What about it’s loss? Let’s get a little anthropormorphic. How come nobody considers the effect this had on the self-image of poor Mt. St. Helens?

One day she’s a scenic and lovely mountain, renowned for her conventional beauty. Topped with snow, covered in sweeping forests and meadows, St. Helens  was famed for her attractive qualities. But suddenly, with a violent burst, she lost her crown. Bald people everywhere sympathize with the mountain.

Just as bald people are the innocent victims of bald genes, our friendly volcano was the victim of plate tectonics and the indiscriminate actions of molten rock and pressure. While we have lost our hair, Mt. St. Helens lost a few thousand feet of elevation. Instead of the slow and steady retreat of a hairline, for the mountain, it was an immediate and unexpected destruction of it’s very appearance.

So on the the anniversary of this tragic day, let’s not only remember the environmental destruction and loss of life. Let us also pay homage to the mountain that bald people everywhere can relate to.

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Jason Alexander Gets Skinny… Then Nude

After losing 30lbs with Jenny Craig, actor Jason Alexander was so pleased with his new physique he performed a song and dance number, stripped down to a spandex singlet and then went full monty. This was all during a commercial for Jenny Craig. Sorry ladies, the camera didn’t show the nude finale.

The former Seinfeld actor is just the latest fat, bald guy to pad his sizable bank account with weight loss spokesman money–see ESPN anchor Chris Berman’s Nutrisystem commercial.

Work has been fairly scarce for Alexander since the end of Seinfeld. Aside from a few guest spots and frequent appearances at celebrity poker games, Alexander hasn’t been working much… until now.

Getting skinny with Jenny Craig requires time, plus the weight loss must be documented–see Alexander’s Jenny Craig blog. It also means being the token male in the Jenny Craig spokesperson crew: Kirstie Alley, Valerie Bertinelli, Phylicia Rashad…

Hopefully, a man as funny, talented… and bald as Jason Alexander will finally get some work he deserves. His role as George Costanza was possibly the greatest bald, comedic character in the history of television.

Hollywood producers take note: There is a talented, bald man out there who needs work. He can’t keep doing things beneath him. Jason Alexander wasn’t put on this earth to play poker or lose weight. He was intended to make us laugh. He was intended to be bald, to be fat, to be perform comedic roles for our amusement.

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Heavy Metal Loses Ronnie James Dio

Legendary heavy-metal rocker, Ronnie James Dio, died of stomach cancer on May 16, 2010. He was 67.

Dio enjoyed much public acclaim, but also experienced significant hair loss over the course of his life, something that only accentuated his lack of height (5’4″). But while he lacked height and hair, Rio made up for it with one of the most powerful voices in heavy-metal.

Best known for fronting Black Sabbath after Ozzy Osbourne was kicked out the band, Dio also fronted the bands Elf, Rainbow, and Heaven and Hell.

One of his greatest accomplishments is popularizing the “devil’s horn” hand gesture–pinky and pointer finger extended and the other fingers clenched in a fist. It’s a gesture he learned from his grandmother, and something copied by heavy-metal bands and fans everywhere.

While Ronnie is gone, his music will live forever, inspiring future generations of heavy-metal bands. While I don’t know what his final words were, I imagine them to be something like what he said during a cameo appearance in “Tenacious D in the Pick of Destiny.”

“You will face your inner demons. Now go, my son, and rock.”

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Legendary Broadcaster Ernie Harwell Dies of Cancer

Longtime Detroit Tigers broadcaster Ernie Harwell died today at the age of 92 after a battle with cancer. He is survived by his wife Lulu and his four children.

Harwell suffered from a speech impediment as a child. It wasn’t until he finished college that he had conquered his disability.

Harwell called over 8,300 games in his lengthy career. With his southern accent, bald head, insight, and memorable calls, Harwell comforted Tigers fans through the many ups and downs the organization endured. Expect Detroit to show up in mass for the all-night vigil planned at Comerica Park on Thursday.

Rest in peace Ernie Harwell.

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