Monthly Archives: January 2009

Dravis Takes Second – January 31, 2002

On January 31, 2002, 17-year-old Leonard Dravis discovered the upside of premature hair loss when he successfully purchased a case of beer without photo identification. Dravis’ new found power got him invitations to far more high school parties then previously, allowing him the opportunity to reach second base with cheerleader Courtney Wayne during a game of spin the bottle.

ALSO…

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Nolan Ryan, Hall of Fame pitcher and all-time strikeout leader, born (1947).
Thomas Merton, American Trappist monk and writer, born (1915).

Samuel Goldwin, movie producer, died (1974).

Robert E. Lee takes command of all Confederate forces (1865).

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Michael Steele Elected Head of RNC – January 20, 2009

Michael Steel was elected chairman of the RNC, becoming the first African American to hold that position. The former Maryland Lt. Governor won the position after six rounds of voting. He was the least conservative of the candidates and incredibly bald.

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The Scott Van Pelt Voice Mail Message

There are few people that average bald guys can relate to as much as SportsCenter anchor Scott Van Pelt. There’s nothing flashy about the guy. He doesn’t have Michael Jordan’s star power or Yul Brynner’s sex appeal. He’s just like us, except he has the coolest job on the planet.

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Quirky and self-depricating, he’s somehow become an unofficial bald icon and hero to any sports geek losing his hair. He earned a seat at the SportsCenter desk by covering golf, and he parlayed that into his own radio show for ESPN. But how has this national exposure helped him with the ladies? Well check out this message he left on a woman’s voice mail.

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G. Gordon Liddy Convicted – January 30, 1973

Prior to hosting his own radio show or becoming a guest on FOX News, G. Gordon Liddy was found guilty of crimes related to the Watergate break-in (1973).

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But Liddy’s resume has even more blemishes. A favorite of FBI Director (and drag queen) J. Edgar Hoover, Liddy translated this thumbs-up into some fairly illegal work for the Nixon Administration. This sort of opened some doors for a career in license plate making at a correctional facility. And after that, he took his act to Hollywood. And now he’s a conservative radio host just like Oliver North. Only in America.

Happy Birthday!

Dick Cheney, former U.S. Vice President (1941).
Gene Hackman, Oscar-winning actor (1930)
Phil Collins, Genesis front man and solo artist (1951)
Payne Stewart, pro-golfer and wearer of funny pants (1957)

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John Coleman Suspended for Waving to President Obama – January 29, 2009

Drum major John Coleman, suspended for six months for nodding and waving to President Obama during the Inauguration Day parade, has quit the band. There are rules in the Cleveland Firefighters Memorial Pipes and Drums band, and one of them is to not return the wave of a recently inaugurated president–or anyone for that matter. You have to stay focused, keep the beat, maintain decorum, don’t smile or make a silly wave. Rules are rules.

But dear, sweet John Coleman is a man who who plays by his own rules, or at least the simple rules of courtesy, such as acknowledging a fellow human who has waved to you. This chubby, bald fire inspector from Cleveland Heights is no renegade in the mold of Nick Nolte in 48 Hours. He’s just a friendly bald guy who acknowledges his Commander in Chief.

John is like so many Americans–bald. You can’t see it because it’s covered by the silly cap, but he’s one of us. And, he should again be one of the Cleveland Firefighters Memorial Pipes & Drums band.

Now besides the broken rules, there’s also alleged resentment of Coleman, not just because of all the media attention this has caused, but because he doesn’t play an instrument. Hopefully Coleman and band leader Mike Engle can put aside these creative differences in time for the upcoming St. Patrick’s Day parade. In the Cleveland Plain Dealer article from which most of this is lifted, Engle said he was fearful the band would be booed at the parade. Engle has since taken a leave of advance.

The band’s website had been removed its phone number and email address making it difficult to organize a write-in campaign to support the embattled Coleman.

Good luck to you John Coleman, bald man laid off from his favorite hobby.
We are with you.

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B.D. Tyagi’s World Record Ear Hair – January 29, 2001

In an astounding feat of irony, a balding man named B.D. Tyagi received confirmation from the Guinness Book of World Records that his 10.2cm ear hair was a world record.

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Comb it over Tyagi. We dare you.

Bald director Stanley Kubrick’s film Dr. Strange Love or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb premiered (1964).

Legendary bald baseball player Ty Cobb was elected to the Baseball Hall of Fame (1936).

The bald William Shakespeare’s play Romeo & Juliet was first performed (1595). The play would stand as the greatest love story ever told… until Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee.

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The Dilf and Inbreeding – January 28

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Nobody gave the Baltimore Ravens a chance in Super Bowl XXXV (2001). Despite their highly touted defense the pundits thought the Ravens’ offense suspect with bald quarterback Trent Dilfer under center. Four quarters later the Ravens pull out a 34-7 win and Dilfer is riding a float through Disney World beside Mickey Mouse as Super Bowl MVP. Not bad Mr. NFL journeyman. Not bad at all.

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On this day in 1839, British naturalist Charles Darwin married his cousin Emma Wedgwood. Kind of a surprising move for someone with a keen understanding of evolution. Perhaps their offspring are swimming through the Galapagos Island beside iguanas, propelling themselves along with their webbed toes and fingers.

New documents have been revealed showing Darwin wrestled with the decision, contrasting the pros and cons of having a wife. On the upside, a wife is “better than a dog anyhow,” but Darwin did lament that being married would be “a terrible loss of time.”

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